Musings of an Autistic Mind
How can I make you see my world?
This existence I live, you cannot perceive
Colours are bolder and brighter
They speak a different language to me
A highlighter on life lets me embrace
Things you may not see
You think I am looking at you
I am talking to you
Though distracted by
That colourful necklace you always wear
Small things demand me to notice them
Like a great big neon sign
Pointing and saying
Look Here!
Lights illuminate the darkness , but
They test my tolerance and become too much
That flickering fluro light
Hurts my head tonight
Fragrances assault my senses
Some tell tales of beauty
Others make me feel like I’m drowning
I cannot breathe
I channel your life
Completely by accident
You are pregnant, I’m sure
My sense of smell and taste has gone into overdrive
Should I have not said anything?
You look at me like I am crazy
But you take a test
I’m right.
I feel out of synch with your expectations
Confused and desperately trying to decode
What you are really not saying
Social situations leave me reeling
As I try so hard to mimic
What I think you want to hear
But end up sounding like a parrot
Or that I simply don’t care
Endless lines of coding in my brain
If, Then, Else
If only friendships could be that easy
Most people leave me open and raw
A wound constantly tearing
This me I am, apart
So easily damaged
My heart beating, exposed
Oh and lust
Dearest obsessions
You fill my mind and steal away my thoughts
I get lost in the endless abyss of details
Object, animal, human being
All hold the possibilities
Of all consuming passions
To know so completely and
Master your inner workings
I want to be your everything
All or nothing
On or off
Black or white
I am bound
Overwhelmed
And oh so tired
Drained
Or bouncing off the walls
With inspiration, colour, life
My mind racing
I cannot sleep tonight
A seesaw of emotions
In endless waves rush in
To consume me
Drown me
Violently accost me
Or
Envelop me
Smother me
Lovingly melt me
All are invasions of
Others thoughts and feelings
So confused
Is this feeling
Me or you?
No wonder I avoid crowds
They bombard me
All six senses
So much conflict
So much noise!
I lose who I am
Who am I?
I know I have empathy
I feel it all too much
Someone turned it way up
I find myself in your shoes
Even when I don’t want to
So I put myself last
Always last,
Ever loyal
My needs surpassed
~Cherie Patrick.
