A poem by one of my Autistic friends.

This amazing poem is written by one of amazing friends. Enjoy! I relate to so much of it. I got quite emotional reading it.

Musings of an Autistic Mind

How can I make you see my world?

This existence I live, you cannot perceive

Colours are bolder and brighter

They speak a different language to me

A highlighter on life lets me embrace

Things you may not see

You think I am looking at you

I am talking to you

Though distracted by 

That colourful necklace you always wear

Small things demand me to notice them

Like a great big neon sign

Pointing and saying

Look Here!

Lights illuminate the darkness , but

They test my tolerance and become too much

That flickering fluro light

Hurts my head tonight 

Fragrances assault my senses

Some tell tales of beauty

Others make me feel like I’m drowning

I cannot breathe

I channel your life 

Completely by accident

You are pregnant, I’m sure

My sense of smell and taste has gone into overdrive

Should I have not said anything?

You look at me like I am crazy

But you take a test

I’m right.

I feel out of synch with your expectations

Confused and desperately trying to decode

What you are really not saying

Social situations leave me reeling

As I try so hard to mimic 

What I think you want to hear

But end up sounding like a parrot

Or that I simply don’t care

Endless lines of coding in my brain

If, Then, Else

If only friendships could be that easy

Most people leave me open and raw

A wound constantly tearing 

This me I am, apart

So easily damaged

My heart beating, exposed

Oh and lust

Dearest obsessions

You fill my mind and steal away my thoughts

I get lost in the endless abyss of details

Object, animal, human being

All hold the possibilities

Of all consuming passions

To know so completely and 

Master your inner workings 

I want to be your everything

All or nothing

On or off

Black or white

I am bound

Overwhelmed

And oh so tired

Drained 

Or bouncing off the walls

With inspiration, colour, life

My mind racing

I cannot sleep tonight

A seesaw of emotions

In endless waves rush in

To consume me

Drown me

Violently accost me

Or

Envelop me

Smother me

Lovingly melt me

All are invasions of 

Others thoughts and feelings

So confused

Is this feeling

Me or you?

No wonder I avoid crowds

They bombard me

All six senses

So much conflict

So much noise!

I lose who I am

Who am I?

I know I have empathy

I feel it all too much

Someone turned it way up

I find myself in your shoes

Even when I don’t want to

So I put myself last

Always last, 

Ever loyal

My needs surpassed

~Cherie Patrick.

If he was my child

If He Was My Child

He'd behave if he was my child

I'd teach him right from wrong

I'd put him on the naughty step

Until his naughty streak has gone

But he isn't your child

He's mine and I know what's best

My son isn't being naughty

He's just different to the rest

If he was my child

He'd do as he was told

I wouldn't accept bad behaviour

Or him acting bold

But he isn't your child

And I know him better than you

Autism makes him different

But unique and special too

If he lived in my house

He'd live by my rules

He wouldn't take us for a ride

And he wouldn't take us for fools

But he isn't your child

And I'm so glad that he's not

You couldn't handle what I do

You'd be out of there like a shot

He is my special child

And he was sent to me

Because I deserve him

And can treat him specially

By Donna Woods

From here.

Reading this poem has been bittersweet for me because it reminds me of my own traumatic childhood. I wish Autism was understood when I was a child as my dad tried to do all of those things to me but of course it just made me stronger. He didn't succeed in disciplining the Autism out of me. 

Resplendent

This shedding of layers, 

this unraveling of my soul, 

of my mind

it's a process,

a detox,

a liberation.

I'm fragile yet strong.

I'm broken yet healing.

I'm cracked,

yet I'll be filled with gold*.

Progress is lagging

Acceptance is an exertion.

Painful, raw.

Emotions histrionic.

Healing is auspicious.

Emergence is transpiring.

Fresh new soul,

newborn-like.

Mind changing, developing,

neural pathways.

Shedding, 

releasing,

toxic layer, 

after toxic layer, 

finally, revealed beneath the messy,

broken layers, 

is a new,

formed self.

A free self. 

Liberated. 

Loved. 

Whole.

Emergence.

A newborn creature,

a soul I now know and love.

Fragile, yet complete.

New understanding of self.

Finally wings are free. 

I emerge,

myself.

My true self.

Liberated and free.

Resplendent.

Kerrilynn Harris ©

*inspired by another poem I read.
Also inspired after I read this article.

Don't blame my parents

Don't Blame My Parents

Don't blame my parents

For the way I am

I was born with Autism

And doing the best I can

Don't put them down

When they're doing their best

I was born with Autism

And I'm different from the rest

Don't point and stare

If I act different in the street

They have enough to deal with

And have my needs to meet

Don't laugh at their expense

If they're finding it hard to cope

Listen to their worries

And please give them hope

Don't say that you could manage

If you were wearing their shoes

It's easy to make judgement

When you've got a path to choose

Don't judge my parents

Walk in their shoes for a day

Maybe you wouldn't be so willing

To have so much to say

By Donna Woods

From here.

I read this poem today. It was shared in one of the many Autism groups I am in. I love how eloquently Donna writes.

A poem from my youth

I found this poem I wrote in my diary 18/09/04. It really hits home.

Note: it's unedited as is. I was 20 years old.

I crave this time alone

I long for it

All to myself 

With no one to bug me

I can then think

Really think

About life

Where it's going

Time to reflect

Time to relax

Truly be me

I long for time alone

Time to think

Be free

When I'm done

Truly being alone

I emerge

Into the world

Like a

Beautiful butterfly 

Free at last 

To be totally me

Face this world again

Strong as can be

Beautiful and free

I'm totally me