Asperger's Sisterhood retreat.

On March 29, 2014 I, and two other lovely Aspie women (A and W) friends drove from the Sunshine Coast down to Manly, Brisbane. We drove into a drive way with a quaint looking building. It was held at the Presentation Spirituality Centre. The building had a lot of history to it which really appealed to me. I like buildings with history, they have a story to tell.


I wore my ‘Ask me about neurodiversity, it’s my special interest’ tshirt because I thought it was appropriate for the day. It turned out to be a great conversation starter. I am glad I wore it.We got a photo of the three of us in front of the building before we went in.

We went into the presentation room and met R (the presenter), her husband and son. We were the first to arrive at just on 9am. I was so excited!!

We shook hands with R and her husband and did the general introductions and greetings.

I was excitedly nervous, like so excited that I could barely contain myself. I felt flappy but did not flap. I wanted to but didn’t know how it would be perceived by others. Ha ha! The irony. I realise I self-censor my stims a lot and that I do not have quiet hands, I have loud hands. I was very much looking forward to meeting the other Asperwomen who were coming along and interacting with them.

One by one the other women arrived. A, W and myself chatting happily amongst ourselves in the very comfortable padded chairs with armrests! They were awesome chairs. I took note of what each woman looked like and what they were wearing. I noted we all looked different but we shared a common neurology. I knew overall looks would not even matter at all and they didn’t. I of course cannot help but notice people’s appearances and clothes but do not judge. It’s a pattern noticing exercise for me, really. Nothing more.

We were all a bit shy around each other at first and did not get a chance to really talk much as R wanted to start the program. So we focused on the introduction which was several minutes. Then came the morning tea break and that was when I started talking to some of the other women. I was so excited I felt like I was going to explode. I could barely contain myself. I felt like an excited puppy and it showed!! Ha ha!


I met a woman at the morning tea break who was wearing a Neurodiversity tshirt which is from last years ASAN (Autistic self-advocacy society) for Autism Acceptance Month (April, 2013). We saw each other’s shirts and instantly connected in conversation. It was awesome. We realised we both liked Brene Brown which was another connection. Very cool. We were both really excited about that!


R called us back to continue the rest of the program. She told us about a woman called Caryll Houselander, who upon reading about her life and writings, Rachael had come to the conclusion that she was an undiagnosed historical Asperwoman. We sat enthralled listening to Caryl’s story and how she struggled to fit in and knew from a young age that she was different. Rachael shared some of Caryl’s quotes which were truly profound and insightful to the intense internal struggle that Caryl faced everyday. She overcame those struggles and forced herself to interact with people. From Wikipedia ‘During the Second World War, doctors began sending patients to Houselander for counselling and therapy. Even though she lacked formal education in this area, she seemed to have a natural empathy for people in mental anguish and the talent for helping them to rebuild their world. A visitor once found her alone on the floor, apparently in great pain, which she attributed to her willingness to take on herself a great trial and temptation that was overwhelming another person.’ Rachael shared how amazing it was that she had worked hard to work with people and help them even though she had no formal training. She was well known in her area as having a gift of being able to help others and help them re-build their lives.


R handed out questions on little pieces of cardboard with different quotes that Caryl had written about different aspects of her life. We separated into groups of three to discuss the question and share our answers. I did not go with the women who I came with. I wanted to meet and interact with some of the other women. I went with two other women who were sitting near me. K and L. Our question was ‘How has your difference brought joy to others?’


Two of us shared our experiences with how validating our diagnosis was and what that meant. It was amazing to hear a similar story from a another Aspie woman of how amazing diagnosis was for us.

I shared about how I advocate openly on FB and in everyday life and have a good little community of people following me online, who find my insights fascinating and helpful. I shared that I had been told a few times by online Aspie friends and even one NT friend how much they appreciated what I do by sharing my insights.

The other two in our little group seemed quite interested in my little story. I over-shared and talked too long so one woman missed out on sharing her story, unfortunately. I felt a bit bad about that. I struggle to know when to stop and how to summarise.

We got an opportunity to share with the rest of the group what each little group had discovered in our discussions. It was quite insightful and interesting hearing each group share a little of their insights. I cannot remember everything that was shared but I know I found it insightful and helpful to hear from other Asperwomen and their stories.

I chose not to share my story and what our group had shared as I felt I had already talked a bit too much so I did not, even though I wanted to. I never know if I am taking over and sharing too much, so chose not to share.

R talked about mindfulness and meditation - benefits. We did three short mindfulness and meditation exercises which were 3, 5 and 3 minutes each. Then we gave her feedback. I learnt a new technique for meditation - repeating a short phrase, in this case ‘All shall be well’ over and over to myself and focusing on my breath. I found speaking the phrase quietly to myself helped me focus and get into a meditative state easier. I have had previous experience with mindfulness and meditation which made it easier for me to do.

Then it was time for lunch. I started chatting to a few of the other women there. It was so awesome to chat with women who have been through similar struggles. I got so caught up talking that I almost forgot to eat. It was very exciting for me. I have never been in a room of so many Asperwomen at the same time. I clicked with all the women I chatted to. It was such a wonderful experience for me. I have never experienced that before.


I wanted to chat to EVERYONE! I was intensely excited and happy to be in a roomful of Asperwomen. I was a bit shy at first, but soon got over that. Unfortunately I did not get a chance to chat to all of the amazing women there. I really wanted to but it was just too hard to get around to talk to everyone. There was just not enough time and I did not have energy to do so. At the end someone suggested we all connect online and start a google or yahoo group. Which we are going to do. I am looking forward to this.


After lots of talking (which was tiring, but good), it was time for the afternoon session. The afternoon session consisted of R sharing a diagram about the different layers of who we are and how our true self is hidden under layers of other things that get in the way of learning who we are. It was interesting and helpful. She talked about how we need to uncover those layers through meditation and discover our true self.


Then we had a longer meditation session. This one went for 10 minutes where we once again repeated ‘All shall be well’ over and over, focusing on breathing. It was very relaxing, calming and centring for me. I did not think I would be able to do 10 minutes of meditation as I do struggle to sit still at times (especially when I am excited) but I managed it quite well.


We did this candle lighting ceremony to symbolise our sisterhood and the beautiful day we had had together. Each of us lit a small tealight candle using a long thin candle from a bigger candle. it was a beautiful set up with a rainbow chiffon scarf draped over a little table. It was so relaxing to watch the gorgeous scarf blowing in the refreshing ocean breeze. It was a visual stim for me. I took photos and a short video of the ceremony. beautiful calming music. It was to symbolise our sisterhood and how our neurology connected and united us. A very beautiful ceremony.

Then we took a group photo so we can remember each other and the day. Someone asked if everyone was ok to keep in contact with each other. R made an announcement to see if everyone was ok with connecting in some way via email or some type of group. Yes! They were! I am looking forward to connecting with the other amazing women that were there.

Afterwards I chatted to a number of lovely women - K, R, M, C, L, F and others. I have unfortunately forgotten some of their names but it was amazing being able to chat to each one. We added each other on FB and exchanged email addresses. I am looking forward to connecting and chatting more with these amazing women. I feel so blessed to able to have an opportunity to meet so many Asperwomen all at once in real life, not just online. I was almost the last to leave, I was having such a great time. I was sad that it had ended but all good things do have to come to an end.

It was funny, afterwards on the trip home. A and W told me about how I politely pushed R out of the way to get a photo of the lit candles. Apparently R was adjusting herself getting ready for a photo which I did not notice at all. I was so hyper-focused on taking a photos of the candles that I did not notice R getting ready for a photo. Ha ha! I was a little embarrassed and felt like I had been rude (definitely did not mean to be), but soon realised that we are all Aspie so would understand our social stuff ups. I definitely cringed inwardly a little when A and W told me what I did. They were laughing with me because really it is funny!

R shared a little of her own struggles of being an Asperwoman which I very much appreciated. She explained that years ago she would have freaked out over the slide show and remote not working (it had a few moments of not working) but now she is able to keep calm and move forward. I would have loved to hear a bit more about her own journey and understanding of self. Perhaps another time?

I also would have liked to have more group talking time to share our struggles, successes and really connect as a group of Asperwoman. I strongly believe that Asperwoman can and should mentor each other as we can all learn off each other. Perhaps next time?


Further reading:

Mindfulness changes the brain

Mindful and Asperger’s

Caryll Houselander

Caryll Houselander’s books

For the women who attended the AS retreat and who are reading this, if you wish to contact me (so we can create some form of online group) please email me here. Looking forward to re-connecting with you all again.

Musings on friendship

A week ago a friend of mine sent me the following list as a list of guidelines that she thought would be helpful for NTs to understand about having a friendship with a neurodiverse person (ND). My initial response was this: 'It's great. I wish more people were this understanding and respectful of different people.'

I believe it was inspired by this fantastic blog post by AutisticChick. Highly recommend reading it. It is an articulate and expressive account of what autistic people encounter fairly often. I think boundaries in friendships and relationships are so important. 

The following was written by the same friend who sent me this message.

Musings on Friendship (from NT perspective)

It has occurred to me that there is too much pressure in friendships all the way around. But especially so in the NT-ND friendship.

I believe that the NT should take the lion’s share of the social responsibility in terms of removing pressure and encouraging openness and honest acceptance.

I believe there should be guidelines within friendships:

1. Accept that each person is individual and unique and that your friend is probably completely unique.

2. Accept an answer of “no” the first time and don’t keep pushing. I liken this to social rape. Harsh? Yes. But what else do you call it when a person says “no” and the answer is not accepted. But...

· I know s/he really wanted it

· S/he just needed a little encouragement

· S/he needs to loosen up and have some fun

Can you see what I am driving at? A person, whether NT or ND can speak for themselves and their needs (as they see them) are valid even if you do not agree with them

3. As the NT person in the relationship, try to be considerate and give ample warning of any visits or planned/proposed outings, try not to put the ND person on the spot wherever this can be avoided.

4. As the ND person, please say no if that is what you mean/want to say. Within a true friendship this should be accepted without upset, irritation or another emotional penalty (see point 2. Above) and certainly no emotional blackmail!

5. Please do not try to “fix” your friend they are not broken nor is there anything wrong with them, they simply see life from a different perspective to you.

6. If an outing or visit is planned, please set a guideline on anticipated time and activities (e.g. I would like to go shopping with you for two hours on Monday or I would love to come over and see your new puppy, I only plan to stay for half an hour, etc)

7. If you have an outing with a specific goal, as the NT in the relationship, please leave time available in case it does not work out so that you can complete the goal another time (e.g. you need to buy a dress for a party coming up and something happens causing the ND in the relationship to need solitude – obviously not going to work being out in a crowded mall with parking time limits etc – plan that you may need to do another trip at another time alone) and do not make the ND feel as though they “owe” you anything as they do not and this will cause strain to the relationship through adding pressure and expectation.

8. Please foster a relationship with your ND friend where they will feel completely comfortable sharing their space with you without having to do anything other than... well share the space. So let them go about their day and just “be”.

Ableist Concern

I have not changed. I am still the same person. I'm just not pretending to be someone I'm not, anymore.
I've had people say to me, 'But you coped just fine doing xyz.' 'You've gotten worse, not better. You're using your Aspergers as an excuse to behave badly.' 'Aren't you low in something? Better get checked out.'

What those people who do not understand me nor attempt to understand me, do not get, is that those times I appeared to be coping ok was just acting. I can appear to manage things quite well. I can socialise when I need to. I have times I manage quite well. What they do not realise is how incredibly draining and exhausting it is for me. How I feel anxious and on edge most of the time. I appear to be coping just fine outwardly but inwardly I'm a mess and feel like I am barely coping socially. I will come home after an outing and I will literally collapse on the couch and stim. I will not have energy to do much more. I will spend the rest of the day trying to regain spoons in order to continue and cope with all that is expected of me. Which, as a parent is very challenging for me. I would go to these outings because it was the 'Mum' thing to do and then come home exhausted, only to face having to parent my son when all I wanted to do was have solitude to recover.
It takes a HUGE amount of my energy which I am often low in to maintain that level of normal-ness. You know what, I can no longer maintain it, nor do I care to. I'm finally free from all of those ridiculous expectations that are placed onto me by well-meaning misguided people. I choose not to live my life that way. I choose to find my own path and live life how best it suits me and my family.
I am ridiculously tired of being treated like and labelled as being 'difficult.' I'm not actually trying to be difficult. I just desperately need others to open their minds and try to understand how challenging life is for me in this not very Autism friendly world.

For now anyone who doesn't attempt to understand me on my terms is being kept at a distance because I just can't cope with their ableist attitude. It's like 'oh you can indeed do this, I know you can, just try harder and you'll be fine.' 
There's a pic from Karla's ASD Page which illustrates this perfectly. It features a person in a wheelchair with an able-bodied person standing above them telling them to try harder to reach something they clearly can't reach. It's the same for autism. We are different, we do not do things the way the rest of the able-bodied world does and we never will. I wish others would accept this and make an effort to understand us.

Actually I will not be fine if I try harder to be more like how others want me to be, I will get worse. I have already tried being the person others want me to be and I was not happy at all. I finally feel a sense of peace within myself. A feeling of self-love and acceptance and no one is going to take that away from me.

Ableist concern: where able-bodied people show their 'concern' for a disabled or differently abled person and to suggest whatever they like and not listen to the main person involved thus rendering the disabled person invisible. The disabled person is told they don't see things 'correctly' (apparently) so they don't get to have a say in how their own life is run. This 'concern' is extremely hurtful and undermining to the main person involved.

Resplendent

This shedding of layers, 

this unraveling of my soul, 

of my mind

it's a process,

a detox,

a liberation.

I'm fragile yet strong.

I'm broken yet healing.

I'm cracked,

yet I'll be filled with gold*.

Progress is lagging

Acceptance is an exertion.

Painful, raw.

Emotions histrionic.

Healing is auspicious.

Emergence is transpiring.

Fresh new soul,

newborn-like.

Mind changing, developing,

neural pathways.

Shedding, 

releasing,

toxic layer, 

after toxic layer, 

finally, revealed beneath the messy,

broken layers, 

is a new,

formed self.

A free self. 

Liberated. 

Loved. 

Whole.

Emergence.

A newborn creature,

a soul I now know and love.

Fragile, yet complete.

New understanding of self.

Finally wings are free. 

I emerge,

myself.

My true self.

Liberated and free.

Resplendent.

Kerrilynn Harris ©

*inspired by another poem I read.
Also inspired after I read this article.

Family Meeting with my Psychologist

The meeting with my family, Psychologist and myself was today. It went very well. Much better than I thought it would go. My Psychologist handled the meeting very well, I thought. We recorded the session so that I can listen to it later. I think it will be very helpful for me to do this. So much was said that it was all a bit of a blur. Everyone got to have their say and voice their opinions. My psychologist explained very well about Autism and how it affects my life to my family. In particular about meltdowns, Sensory processing disorder, delayed processing disorder. My family get it now. Yay! I don't feel so alone and misunderstood in this journey of understanding myself better. It sure helps to feel understood. 

My Psychologist wrote up a plan for me to do and for my family to do, so that we can work together better.

Here is my plan that she wrote for me:

1. Brainstorm different scenarios for different variations of things that could happen and write a social story/visual plan of how I will cope with various unexpected changes.
2. Create a visual timetable - using a whiteboard or velcro board
3. Calm inside (body)
   Calm inside (home) - environment
4. Appeal Disability pension.
5. Back-up meals in the freezer and activity schedule for my son.
6. Buy or make a board for the visual time table.
7. Possibly anxiety medication?
8. Create a Code for my emotions to communicate with my family, e.g. Angry - red and then tell them on a scale from 1-10 where I am. If I am really angry, I will say I am a red 10 and they will know to leave me alone to calm down. The other emotions are: Happy, Sad, Stressed/anxious, and meltdown. I need to choose colours for the rest.
9. Develop a crisis plan that works for helping me to calm down from meltdowns.
10. Buy a CAT kit

I added the last one as I think it will be very helpful to me. My Psych showed me her CAT kit at the end of the session. I could clearly see how much of a HUGE help it will be for me and how much I need something like this. She said she has used the CAT kit for children and adults on the Spectrum that she has worked with. It is not cheap though.

I am very drained. It has been a big day. I don't have the spoons to write much more. I still need to process a lot of what has been said and figure out how to actually do this, to make it happen. Inertia often gets in the way of things happening. Life is incredibly overwhelming for me right now. I am very much a hermit and do not feel up to doing much at the moment. I need to rest and regain spoons to cope with life better.

On the positive side I have found a visual timer for myself to stop myself from hyperfocusing and getting so absorbed that I completely lose track of time and then do nothing else. It is ridiculous how easy it is for my to hyperfocus lately and how hard it is to stop. I will share a photo of it soon. I was planning to buy one from here, but DH reminded me of one we already had from MIL.

Video about the CAT kit.

I am off to do some colouring in. Yay! I am in the process my own colouring book out of free colouring pages, special paper, coloured paper and raffia.

My chew/bite necklace has arrived! I have used it. Great to use. My son likes it and has had a bite too. I have bought him his own chew/bite toy.

Hope, understanding and a new path in my family

I added one of my siblings and parent to a group called 'Ask me, I'm Autistic' on Facebook in an effort to help them understand me better and bridge the gap of misunderstanding.

My sibling asked this question:

"I am wondering as a family member who is trying to support and understand her sister better, I am wondering what ways to go about this? It seems what I say is always the wrong thing and I hate that because I very much want to support my sister and it breaks my heart to see her so upset and overwhelmed. My sister is an adult who has just recently been diagnosed with Aspergers. I also struggle with being at the end of her venting or outbursts. So what I'm asking is how can I be more supportive and understanding?"

Some of the responses were powerful and incredibly helpful. Tania Melnyczuk, who responded offered much insight into meltdowns.

Here are her responses

"The venting or outbursts are probably meltdowns. It is important to understand the difference between an autistic meltdown and the controlled actions of someone who is behaving badly deliberately. Most aspies don't even know what happens in their own brains during a meltdown, they don't see it coming and they don't know how to prevent one. By understanding how it works in the brain, we can deal with meltdowns more effectively. Sensory overload is also often (but not always a factor). It is a vicious cycle. If you reduce the sensory stress, meltdowns are less likely to occur. Exercise and sleep are important in improving sensory tolerance and meltdown resistance. The way things happen in the brain make it impossible for any normal autistic person to regain self-control in the middle of a meltdown. That is why YOU need to be the calm one, because a person who is having a meltdown cannot just snap out of it. You need to be GENUINELY calm, because an autistic person can sense your tension, and it makes the meltdown worse if they know they are upsetting you because they panic about your reaction, knowing they have no way of stopping."

My sibling then responded with this:

"Thank you. It has definitely helped. My sister often says we don't understand her which I know we don't so this has helped to give a little insight. I understand the meltdowns but what I don't get is: is it ok to excuse the behaviour because of a meltdown or vent? So it's ok for them to carry on and abuse you because they are having a meltdown/vent? It's a good idea to remain calm, sometimes thought its over text messages. What do you suggest I do then? Ignore it until she calms down?"

Tania responded with this:

"I am going to give you a partial answer and at this stage it is still overly simplistic. I will answer in a more nuanced way later because it is not a simple matter. What works well for one does not work exactly the same for the other but here is a general rule: Do not fight back. Be calm and caring as though she were not being nasty towards you but crying in your arms about something which is not related to you. She is not in control of what she is doing and her IQ in that moment is very low. She is in that moment a mentally handicapped intellectually disabled person whose brain has gone into an anxious crazy spin, telling her she is being attacked and causing her to respond in a crazy way with university vocabulary which she learned before she got this temporary brain damage. She desperately needs to know that you have what it takes to not be afraid, not be offended, not be unsympathetic.

To respond in the manner that she is behaving would most likely be an act of will on your part. You can choose your own words and actions. She cannot choose to stop. She is out of control. Her responsibility is to learn how to prevent meltdowns, how to see them coming, how to apologise afterwards, and mostly, how to become a morally exquisite person, the kind of person who is so good and so holy that even if her brain is scrambled and the fight and flight response has been triggered, she will be unable to behave in any manner other than that of a saint. That is the only way she will be able to improve this.

Normal people can get away with moral mediocrity because they have control. People who cannot control themselves have no choice but to fill themselves up with love and righteousness and goodness, because it is the only way to ensure that what comes out of them when they are not in control is godly. 'Good enough' can't carry you where you need to go if you're autistic. I know that it probably sounds like I am being sarcastic, but it is actually just a pragmatic reality. Until she has developed that saintlike character, you are just gonna have to love and forgive her when she acts that way because she does not do it on purpose. A day or so later if she is not in a constant state of anxiety, you can check with her how much of it she actually meant or how she really meant it. If she is able to respond calmly and if you are able to distance yourself from the hurt that you feel. My best friend has been through what you go through when she does that and the emotional strain has been immense for him because he feels attacked and blamed."

My sibling responded with this:

"Thank you, that is just beautiful how you put it! As I was reading it I pictured my sister being the one crying in my arms. I really like the picture you painted because that is exactly what needs to happen. So thank you! I am going to pass some of these comments onto my other family members I feel that these comments have been beneficial and I can try and put them into action."

My sibling has emailed out these two statements to my husband and other members of my family. I think they are starting to understand me. I cannot describe the joy I feel inside after reading this. But...there is more to the story. Which brings tears to my eyes everytime I read it.
Just this evening my sibling and I were texting each other regarding the horrific tragedy regarding Alex Spourdalakis which I am in the process of blogging about.

This is some of our conversation because it did turn into a discussion about Autism Advocacy and how strongly I feel about standing up for those who are different and disabled. Those who do not have a voice. 

It is as follows.

Me:

I'm glad that Tania has been able to help you understand. I am also incredibly grateful about the fact that you are willing to learn and understand me better. Thank you! I really appreciate it. It means a lot. I love you.

Sibling:

I do want to understand you. All of us have been misunderstanding you your whole life and didn't know how to reach u and thought we were trying to do the right things. I'm sorry for all the other times that I have been misunderstanding to you. I know that it just made the situations worse! I know we still have a lot to learn but I am hoping I can apply some of these things that Tania spoke about the article you gave me.

Me:
Thank you. Reading that makes me smile. Yes everyone has misunderstood me my whole life and it is only now that I am starting to understand myself. Which has made it very hard to explain why I am the way I am to others.

Sibling:
I just feel bad for all the times I got upset with you and yelled at you when we were both frustrated. So I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me pls?

Me:
It's ok. I forgave you long ago. Every time.

Neither of us understood each other

Sibling:

I'm sure it would have been even more difficult for you. I always felt for you when ppl were being mean but I didn't know what to do or say.

Thanks I appreciate that! I have forgiven you too!!

Me:
We all did our best with what we knew.

It's the past. I'm not going to get upset over it. We are starting a new journey of understanding as a family now so things will be different.

Sibling:

Yes we are, of building bridges and mending hurts from the past!

A friend's phone call today

One of my cool long term Aspie friends just shared this little story in a group. I asked if I could share it here and she said yes! I am so inspired by it. She has a blog too. Check it out. It is her story of a late diagnosis of Aspergers and her journey to better understanding herself.


Phone call just before: guy doing the hard sell trying to get me to buy some add on to my phone bill to help me save money.
push. push. push.
I tried several times to tell him that I was going to think about it, he just kept pushing.
Finally, I said "look, I have Aspergers and sensory processing disorder. I actually can't make snap decisions on the phone. I am going to think about it, and I'll call you back."

"oh" silence from his end. then. "should I call you back around this time tomorrow" (not a question, he was already penning my name in his 'call back and bug the ever living daylights out of' book.

"NO. I told you, *I* will call back, WHEN I have made a decision"
and I hung up.

feeling so good :)

A second comment she added after.

"I know that if I make a decision on the spot it's not a good idea, especially with phone calls. and if I'm pushed into something I panic and worry that its the wrong decision. I need to make informed decisions!"

Her response to me:

"I felt so... liberated and I was just a clap short of flapping."

Reading about stories like this makes my heart sing. I love it!

Riding the intense emotion wave

When I feel an emotion from being triggered by something, it is intense, strong and incredibly overwhelming. I cannot think of anything else. The feeling fills my entire body and my mind. It is hard to focus on anything else, but my feelings. I cannot see a way out feeling that way. My intense feelings consume my entire being. I can easily end up in a downward spiral of catastrophic thinking and depression.

It's partly catastrophic thinking and partly because I feel things so intensely that I feel it will never end. My psychologist has been helping me to understand that emotions are like waves. They reach a peak of intensity and then it slowly eases. I am learning to practice mindfulness where I observe my thoughts, acknowledge them, but don't allow them to take hold. I focus on my breath, my feelings and thoughts. I have started saying to myself 'I love and accept myself unconditionally in this moment.' I have found the moments of intense emotion pass much quicker and I do not spiral into a depressive episode when I do put these things into practice. My psychologist suggested emotion surfing which I have tried and I am still putting into practice. It is a bit of a challenge for me not to react to things said to me. I want to learn to be more in control of my emotions and not hurt others without meaning to.

Prior to this I would fall into a depressed heap unable to get out of the emotional pit I had dug for myself. I would beat myself up for feeling this way, for acting the way I did, for not being able to manage my emotions better like others appeared to. I did not understand how my brain worked so I could not work with myself. Once I began to understand myself better through Autistic eyes I began to feel peace, love and acceptance for myself. The self-hate began to lose it's power over me and I have been able to move forward. I still do not manage my emotions as well as I would like to but I am setting up a strong foundation that in time will help me to do so.

Edit:

I have since been made aware of the fact that what I am learning and practising is called Dialetical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). 

Autism Social Stigmas

What is a Social Stigma?

stig·ma

/ˈstigmə/

A mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person: "the stigma of mental disorder".

There is a definite social stigma about Autism. Which is unfortunate as it is very hurtful to people on the Autism Spectrum. We are people. We have feelings. We deserve respect and to be understood. We are all different, even though we identify as being on the Spectrum. It does not mean we are all the same. We are diverse within the Spectrum. We are often misunderstood, feared, hated, bullied, and even killed because we are different and those that have the advantage cannot or will not use their empathy to understand us. They want us to fit into their world and live their way. Thankfully this is very, very slowly changing, through various Autistic adult Advocates, through blogging, through Facebook groups and pages, but it is not enough. The social stigma of Autism is rampant throughout society and the media. Each time another Autistic adult is told to fit in or is misdiagnosed this attitude is encouraged and grows. Each time an Autistic child is killed (sometimes at the hands of their parents), this attitude is encouraged, grows and spreads. You get the idea. For every bit of work the ASD Advocates, bloggers, and Facebook pages do, the media and people ignorant about ASD will often counteract it with their views. Social media has become a fantastic platform for Autistic Adults to tell their stories, to try to get their voices heard over the roaring din of the Neurotypical world. Hopefully in time our voices will get louder and louder.

We need to work together to create a Neurodiverse world. A world which allows Autistics to focus on their strengths and live in a way which suits them. The world is unfortunately not suited for Autistic people. This can lead to numerous things, depression, anxiety, stress, Autistic burnout, self-harm, self-hate, suicide which is because we are feared, misunderstood and feel we are broken/defective. It is a vicious cycle, that is not easily broken. I do not have the answers. I can only share my story, my thoughts on the subject and raise awareness by being a self-Advocate. I hope in time we can say the world is finally Autism friendly and we can live in peace without fear of being bullied, feared, misunderstood or killed.

Another point which I think is incredibly important is the lack of opportunity and support for Adults on the Spectrum. We are rendered invisible because the media focuses so much on the tragedy of Autism, which feeds parents' fears about having an Autistic child. Autistic Adults are left entirely out of having a say in the media. Which is unfair and not reality. We are not invisible, we are here to stay and we have a voice.

Overall this is about Ableism, how subtle it is in our society and how it affects disabled people.

Further reading:

Neurodiversity Rewires Conventional Thinking About Brains

Neurodiversity

Walking the language highway

So...you think you might be Autistic?

I have had a few people come to me privately since I received my diagnosis and came 'out' about being Autistic on my Facebook profile. I am always happy to help my friends and others who come to me in need to help them understand themselves better. We are all on a journey and need to help each other where and when we can. Regardless of the label that is associated with who we are. I think it is incredibly helpful to understand oneself, accept oneself, have self-awareness and work with oneself. That is the way to grow and be happy.

If I can help others understand themselves better and accept themselves then I am doing what I am meant to do and what needs doing. This is my path, I can see the way clearer now than I ever have before. So if any of my readers are thinking they might be Autistic I would like to direct you to this fantastic blog series on Adult diagnosis. I am sure it will help you in your journey of understanding yourself better. That is what is all about really, understanding yourself and hopefully accepting yourself. Forget the label and the ridiculous stigma attached to it.