My thoughts on being Censorship and being Autistic

Last year I had a bad experience in a group which was meant to be for Autistic people but oddly there was an NT person running it. This of course raised a red flag for me. I now have hindsight about the situation which happened in this group and realise now why the person involved reacted the way they did. This was the comment I posted in the group. I can clearly see that I too over-reacted to the situation due to what was going on in my life at the time. However, my thoughts on censorship are still valid. 

'I have decided to leave this group because I do not feel safe or welcome here. I asked a genuine question regarding something and my comment was deleted. I do not like the fact there is censorship here because I personally believe that censorship makes it extremely difficult for Autistic people to understand the world and how it works. If we don't ask questions, how will we ever know or understand why things are the way they are. There is no harm in asking genuine honest questions which I did and my comment was deleted. I no longer feel safe here. I am sorry it has come to this.'

I do not understand how the world works so I need to ask questions in order to learn and understand how it works. Not allowing me a safe space to learn how the world works is not conducive to learning.

I have a thirst for knowledge and desire to grow to be a better person. If I ask you about something, please do not get offended. I am genuinely confused and desperately need to understand. Having my questions silenced or deleted is censorship and it inhibits my understanding and learning of the world. That is not ok with me. Listen to me and respect me. Learn my language. I have a different way of looking at the world and speak a different language. Please don't place your assumptions and ideas of language onto me. It inhibits my voice and invalidates my experience.

Ableist Concern

I have not changed. I am still the same person. I'm just not pretending to be someone I'm not, anymore.
I've had people say to me, 'But you coped just fine doing xyz.' 'You've gotten worse, not better. You're using your Aspergers as an excuse to behave badly.' 'Aren't you low in something? Better get checked out.'

What those people who do not understand me nor attempt to understand me, do not get, is that those times I appeared to be coping ok was just acting. I can appear to manage things quite well. I can socialise when I need to. I have times I manage quite well. What they do not realise is how incredibly draining and exhausting it is for me. How I feel anxious and on edge most of the time. I appear to be coping just fine outwardly but inwardly I'm a mess and feel like I am barely coping socially. I will come home after an outing and I will literally collapse on the couch and stim. I will not have energy to do much more. I will spend the rest of the day trying to regain spoons in order to continue and cope with all that is expected of me. Which, as a parent is very challenging for me. I would go to these outings because it was the 'Mum' thing to do and then come home exhausted, only to face having to parent my son when all I wanted to do was have solitude to recover.
It takes a HUGE amount of my energy which I am often low in to maintain that level of normal-ness. You know what, I can no longer maintain it, nor do I care to. I'm finally free from all of those ridiculous expectations that are placed onto me by well-meaning misguided people. I choose not to live my life that way. I choose to find my own path and live life how best it suits me and my family.
I am ridiculously tired of being treated like and labelled as being 'difficult.' I'm not actually trying to be difficult. I just desperately need others to open their minds and try to understand how challenging life is for me in this not very Autism friendly world.

For now anyone who doesn't attempt to understand me on my terms is being kept at a distance because I just can't cope with their ableist attitude. It's like 'oh you can indeed do this, I know you can, just try harder and you'll be fine.' 
There's a pic from Karla's ASD Page which illustrates this perfectly. It features a person in a wheelchair with an able-bodied person standing above them telling them to try harder to reach something they clearly can't reach. It's the same for autism. We are different, we do not do things the way the rest of the able-bodied world does and we never will. I wish others would accept this and make an effort to understand us.

Actually I will not be fine if I try harder to be more like how others want me to be, I will get worse. I have already tried being the person others want me to be and I was not happy at all. I finally feel a sense of peace within myself. A feeling of self-love and acceptance and no one is going to take that away from me.

Ableist concern: where able-bodied people show their 'concern' for a disabled or differently abled person and to suggest whatever they like and not listen to the main person involved thus rendering the disabled person invisible. The disabled person is told they don't see things 'correctly' (apparently) so they don't get to have a say in how their own life is run. This 'concern' is extremely hurtful and undermining to the main person involved.