Saturday, 8 June 2013

Riding the intense emotion wave

When I feel an emotion from being triggered by something, it is intense, strong and incredibly overwhelming. I cannot think of anything else. The feeling fills my entire body and my mind. It is hard to focus on anything else, but my feelings. I cannot see a way out feeling that way. My intense feelings consume my entire being. I can easily end up in a downward spiral of catastrophic thinking and depression.

It's partly catastrophic thinking and partly because I feel things so intensely that I feel it will never end. My psychologist has been helping me to understand that emotions are like waves. They reach a peak of intensity and then it slowly eases. I am learning to practice mindfulness where I observe my thoughts, acknowledge them, but don't allow them to take hold. I focus on my breath, my feelings and thoughts. I have started saying to myself 'I love and accept myself unconditionally in this moment.' I have found the moments of intense emotion pass much quicker and I do not spiral into a depressive episode when I do put these things into practice. My psychologist suggested emotion surfing which I have tried and I am still putting into practice. It is a bit of a challenge for me not to react to things said to me. I want to learn to be more in control of my emotions and not hurt others without meaning to.

Prior to this I would fall into a depressed heap unable to get out of the emotional pit I had dug for myself. I would beat myself up for feeling this way, for acting the way I did, for not being able to manage my emotions better like others appeared to. I did not understand how my brain worked so I could not work with myself. Once I began to understand myself better through Autistic eyes I began to feel peace, love and acceptance for myself. The self-hate began to lose it's power over me and I have been able to move forward. I still do not manage my emotions as well as I would like to but I am setting up a strong foundation that in time will help me to do so.


I have since been made aware of the fact that what I am learning and practising is called Dialetical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)

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