Saturday, 1 June 2013

What support is and is not

I am currently going through some stressful times with certain people in my family regarding support. A lot of what is happening is rampant Ableism.
Basically I do not feel supported or understood at all. I feel like I am a burden,  a problem that needs to be dealt with so they can get on with their lives. I have been told that they don't see me as a burden and just want to help me. It is the helping that they want to do which really is not helpful. I know they mean well and want to help, but really it is non-support and not helpful in my journey to recovery. I know myself better than anyone and what I need. I know best what I need to do to recover. It is my journey. When I am told to try all sorts of different things to recover which I am not ready for, it puts conditions on my recovery and makes me feel like a child who is incapable of making her own decisions.

This is what support looks like:
  • Listening to me in a non-judgmental way
  • validating my feelings
  • respecting and accepting that this is where I am at right now
  • giving me the freedom to recover at a pace that I am able to and in a way that suits me best

This is what support does not look like:
  • Telling me I am being selfish
  • telling me that you or others have coped with far harder times (makes me feel worse, not better). Not helpful at all.
  • organising meetings about me without asking me how I feel about it
  • anything that drains my spoons unnecessarily
  • telling me to just suck it up and carry on
Support is definitely not treating me a like a naughty child that needs to be controlled.

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